I have always struggled with the desire to keep in my life people and things that I love and that are doing very much good to me. I think it will always be hard to accept when things simply disappear, without many explanations or without a real, tangible reason why it is happening like this. I have always tried to understand why some people aren`t talking to me anymore, why people are changing in my life from one year to another, why some of them are not main characters and don`t have a word to say in my film anymore.
Also, there are so many things that I was doing frequently and that don`t represent me anymore. I am continously transforming and this will never stop.
Someone told me recently that I have to accept and this is it: not everything is happening like I imagine or like I expect. Maybe he`s trying to worn me about a future disappearance… I don`t know yet 🙂
But, looking behind in the last past months and past years, there are wonderful persons, with whom I don`t speak anymore, but who still are very special to me. And I think I`m starting to understand and be ok with the idea that some people have just a simple role: some hours, some days, some months… they are there, they leave their footprint, the help me or they influence me positively and…this was it. And this doesn`t mean it is bad. It means just that…they have accomplished their mission and that everything is perfect just the way it is. Their interventions are really saving me, they are showing up in some key moments or they are telling me things that could have never passed through my mind. And this was it. It isn`t necessary anything more than that, because any other extension of their presence would be forced. It is still hard for me to totally accept that I can`t keep them all near me, like my best friends, but everyone of them will always have his place in my heart. Because they have all made me who I am today. And I am so glad that it happened like this and I know that, when the time will come, they will be there again. and I am going to smile nicely and I will hope that this time they will stay longer.
© Anca Banita