30 life lessons, after 30 years of life

Posted on / by Anca

I am 30 years old today. And no, it is not like I would have imagined when I was 20. I don`t have everything I imagined I’d have, I am not married with kids and I don’t have a stable job in a serious company. I haven’t clarified all key things that were confusing when I was 20+, I don’t know 100% what is my purpose and what I am going to do in the next 10 years.

On the other side, I trust myself more and I got more freedome than ever. I love what I do, I managed to get out of the unhappy zone, I know much more clearly what I want in a relationship and from the ones around me, I weight everything wisely and I can read people better.

I heard someone saying “I wish I were 20 again!”. And then it hit me: I wouldn’t! Because it would mean having again that mind, those fears, the lack of self trust, the lack of self love from then. God, how much I love the lucidity and confidence from now! It’s like a veil was taken out of my eyes 🙂 All the wisdom, all the personal power gathered all these years, after many episodes of suffering, sacrifices, giving up myself, letting people exploit me, arguments and reconciliations, exagerations and drama, agresivity, pain, confusion, frustration… NO, thank you! 🙂

I thought it would be a good moment to write about all the insights I had these years, especially in the last 10, since I started investing in personal development, having relationships, jobs and … getting to know who is Anca.

  1. Authenticity is the safest receipe for happiness and fulfillment. I learned to be authentic and I understood that, on a long run, this is bringing me joy. Each of us feels good when they can express themselves, because this is why we came to this Planet. It took me years not to pretend I was something else than I truly was and I am still tempted sometimes. For so long I walked with a mask on my face, faking delight or satisfaction when I was suffering, frustrated or sad. There was this gap between who I was feeling and what I was showing. A gap that was hurting me every day, every second and was yelling: Anca, what are you doing? You are fake. Stop it! 
  2. Authenticity must be covered in love and compassion, when you talk to someone else, especially if you want to say something that would be hard to hear. Otherwise, it can be like a double-edged sword. How you say something is much more important than what you are saying. 
  3. The most important relationship is the relationship with myself. That is the foundation for any other relationship in this life because, how I treat others, I treat myself too. To be on my priority list. To spoil myself. To buy gifts for myself. To hug myself. To tell myself I am wonderful. To congratulate myself for successes. To be my best friend. To spend time with myself. To give myself time.
  4. I learned not to beat myself up. Not to criticize myself when I fail, not to compare myself with others, not to say nasty word to myself. To be there for me. To be kind to myself when I screw up, to hug my inner child and calm her. Because I am the only one who can do it.
  5. Acceptance is magical. Accepting who I am, what I cannot change, what comes to my life. We waste a lot of energy RESISTING. Saying no to inevitable and constant changes, regretting things and people that won’t come back, searching for ways to take revenge, protesting our body and wishing to be thiner, taller, finding hundreds of shortcomings and complaining a lot about them.
  6. To be grateful for everything helps me be happy and balanced. There are milions of things and our minds are set to be content for a minute and then to go to the next objective. We take for granted that we can see, walk or listen to music, that we have a house or a family, the freedom to walk on the street everywhere, the opportunity to protest or travel, enough money for a good life, the inspiration or the daily insights.
  7. I learned to give up (at least from time to time) expectations and attachments for a certain result. It is a constant training for me, still not an easy one. I have this tendency to idealise, to imagine things. I learned not to force anything and let things unfold. For a control freak it’s not easy. But keep going 🙂
  8. I am worth it. I deserve anything I want. I don’t have to convince anyone I deserve, if I am convinced. I am as good as any other human being. I don’t have any reason to constantly ask myself “who am I to …?”. Everybody is asking that at some point … without finding any answer 🙂
  9. My real, pure power comes from my femininity, from who I am as a woman. It is not the competitive, agressive Anca, who has always many logical arguments, who attracts. It is the one who can live and express beauty, sensitivity, empathy, which are all feminine traits.
  10. I am beautiful. This was a big issue for me all my life. I felt the ugly duckling in highschool and after, for a long time. Took me years, personal development workshops, hundreds of books to get to a simple truth: we are all beautiful and beauty is given by the energy, not by physical appearance. Sometimes I see myself like a princess. Other times… still the ugly duckling. But I managed to see beauty and undestand it does not mean only a size, some blue eyes or long legs.
  11. My body is my temple. It deserves to be adored, spoiled and treated with respect, because I chose it for this incredible journey and it is the one who is supporting me in my spiritual evolution. This means a lot of work, from sport to healthy, nurturing food, meditation, massage for my skin and spirit, dance to be flexible and many other things. But, the most important thing – love and appreciation because it is magnificent!
  12. My personal power is always with me and I can create the world I want to live in. I don’t have to wait to be saved, for others to act, I am the change I was waiting for and the only person I can control. I can influence people through my personal example, I can inspire people through personal stories and the world is transforming according to my beliefs and my actions.
  13. There are no bad people, only people who are suffering. Many, many times, we are forced by fears, childhood traumas, unconscious limitations to react in some ways that are not helping us to get what we really wanted. We are not as free as we would like to believe. We are conditioned by what we learned at home, by our beliefs about us and the world, which form our lens. To change the color of the lens it’s taking a lot of time  and this is the most important work we need to do.
  14. Even if we seem very different, we all share humanity and we can find a common language all the time. Beyond race, religion, personal beliefs, there is that lively essence, through which we are all connected at a higher level. Each of us wants to feel valued, to contribute to a higher good, to be loved and connected. Safety, connection, contribution, adventure, growth are needs we all share. If I can relate to these things, if I manage to connect with someone heart to heart, beyond exterior appearance, a miracle takes place every time.
  15. Nobody trusts himself every single day. When I was an adolescent I was kind of shy, scared by my colleagues, my parents and life in general and I imagined other people were so confident, with no problems. I thought I was the only broken one, the only one who is not meeting the requirements, the only unsuccessful one. Bulshit 🙂 I am still fascinated when I discover people who look so confident, who have huge fears or a big empty space inside.
  16. We attract what we are. People get together based on a common vibe, so be very careful what kind of people and situations you get yourself into. Pay attention to the patterns you repeat and people you don’t like. They show something still not healed in you. You don’t like what your boyfriend/wife/colleague is doing? You are doing the same to somebody else or to yourself.
  17. The heart is the strongest tool we have. When the heart is open, I can connect to anybody. I can understand any approach, I can show compassion for any behaviour. The heart is stronger than the mind and can destroy any barrier. Try an experiment – the next time you are in a stressful situation, focus on the heart and imagine sending love to the person in front of you. If you insist enough, he or she will receive it, will feel it, in a subtle way.
  18. Nobody has to like me and I can’t make everybody happy, because each of us is different and has other ideas about life, other passions, preferences, role models
  19. The experiences gathered all these years are the most valuable and I am coming back to them, again and again, everytime I need energy. Experiences and not material stuff make my heart beat harder.
  20. To live lighter and lighter, with less and less, has become a mantra for me. Less furniture, less folders in the computer, less desktop icons. I value order and minimalism more than even.
  21. To be a giver, to offer people more, to includ others when taking a decision, helps you to feel good with yourself. When I took more than I gave, I felt strongly unbalanced. I didn’t like myself. The Universe is giving more to the givers, because what they are telling is: I live in abundance! A difficult lesson for me…
  22. I learned to keep balance between giving and taking. I learned to give up to people who don’t want as much as me to have a relationship of any kind. God, that was hard! It is still extremely difficult not to invest more than 50% when I have the impression the relationship is special.
  23. Each thing has its own rythm to manifest and evolve. Every fruit has its own time. It makes no sense to hurry up a process, to put pressure. Everything happends in divine timing. Yes, that idea you are waiting for. And also the perfect boyfriend. And the inspiring team. If it is meant to be, it will be.
  24. I f I calm my mind, amazing states become available. Meditation is the best tool to bring peace, connect with yourself, go deep within. Only inside you will find all the answers and all the treasures.
  25. Sexual energy is creative and fabulous. Sex can be a door for spirituality and I don’t have any reason to be ashamed to enjoy, experiment or cultivate this energy which is the root of life. I honor myself as a woman and I honor the man I am with when, together, we create something magnificient from the 2 types of energies. If we do it consciously.
  26. I can live my life according to my personal rules, that can be different than others’. I can check in any moment what I am feeling and this is an essential baromether for my decisions. Not society, not other people.
  27. To put myself in uncomfortable situations is building a lot of confidence. It is not easy to be standing in front of stranger’s door where I am going to stay for a night or to talk in front of hundreds of people. I know you know what I am talking about, you have your own fears. To be vulnerable, to give myself permission to make mistakes is part of my process and no, there is no other way.
  28. Every person has something to teach me. Sometimes, unexpected things. Each of us has developed other qualities, has gone through other challenges, has another vision of life and this intersection of perspectives, ideas, points of view inspires and motivates me profoundly. That is why I love to travel and get out of my bubble – it helps me not to generalise anymore, not to build absolute rules anymore. So, a humble attitude, respectful for every human being, is the best choice.
  29. The best thing I can do for a friend (and for anybody else) is to see him or her as a perfect being, as we all are. And to remind him this, if he forgot it. We often forget how beautiful and gifted we are. The light is in each of us in any moment, but it just so covered by veils.
  30. I am one of a kind. The world would be poorer without me. It is the same in your case. Each of us has his own place and mission in this world, precious gifts to bring and it makes no sense to copy others, compare or work for others’ dreams.

For sure, there are many more. This article was like a wave coming from my hands to the screen. I am grateful for everything I lived until now and to all the people who contributed in any way to my evolution and well being.

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